E-Mail FWD: HISTORY LESSON FOR YOU-A'LL

> Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
> They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
> coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
>
> The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
> and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
> beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
> the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
> Liberals and Conservatives.
>
> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
> yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
> them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
> villages were formed.
>
> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
> while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
> as "the Conservative movement."
>
> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
> the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
> Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
> women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
>
> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
> the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
> Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
> conservatives provided.
>
> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
> the jackass.
>
> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
>
> Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
> injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
> therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
> because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
>
> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
> for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
> lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
> officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
> who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own
> companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
>
> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
> and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
> are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
> remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept
> in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get
> MORE for nothing.
>
> Here ends today's lesson in world history:
>
> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond
> to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative
> will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will
> be forwarded immediately to other "true believers."